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The only foreign car worth a damn was the VW Bug and even that catered to a narrow demographic – the weirdo who gave a shit about gas mileage. At 27 cents a gallon nobody else cared how far a car went on a gallon of gas.That’s what the old-timers from that era tell me, anyway. I’ve got a couple of them on my morning walk route. Sometimes I stop and listen to their stories. They love talking about the good old days.I bring up the Buick TV ad because it reminded me of my latest encounter.Living in a neighborhood of stand-alone houses and row houses (or “townhouses” if you prefer), you get a constant mix of people coming and going. It was from the townhouses that I ran into Bob (“Fucked by the Non-Com”) who has since moved out. We had several close encounters of the carnal kind, if you catch my drift. The fact that he had a girlfriend seemed to make no difference in his sexual appetites. She was the main course, naturally, but I was the dessert.Seven townhouses down, a new couple moved. We have heard some very remarkable people talk about you today. The most memorable points to me? Fred Clark: 'It's just your goodness shining through!' Mom, he's right, you know. Then Karen: 'She's not a woman, she's an angel. And she is keeping her consort young!'"Ladies and gentlemen, may I offer a toast: To Allison McGrath Clifford and William Harrison Clifford: two of the finest people God has ever put on this earth, merged together to become an incredible force for goodness! Mom and Dad, may you continue to enjoy all of God's blessings for the rest of very long lives!"With murmurs of 'Amen, ' the toast was drunk.When the guests were again seated, Billy again tapped on his glass. When he had the room's attention, he said, "There is one additional comment I would like to make. It doesn't fit into a toast, so I'm doing it this way. It plays off points made by Karen Gaudli and by Ken Carlson: the aging process."As I'm sure you all know, I am an almost-physician. As a joke, a couple.
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